Lately

I have come to a realization of how scared I am to start a new school.

For the past few years, I was so anxious. I wanted to transfer out and keep things going since I wanted a career already.

I mean for all my life, I’ve pretty much tried to keep myself as occupied as I could even if it kills me.

During high school, I played tennis, joined multiple clubs, and even was my senior class Vice President (even if I got it by default). I went out and spent time with anyone and everyone whenever I could possible.

After high school and going to community college was another chapter. Sure, I didn’t join anything really but I would say I outdid myself for the most part. I was full time student, took multiple dance classes, at one point worked three jobs, and even began a stepping stone in my career by networking. Plus, can’t forget living my “concert/music” life going to multiple events and shows in a week.

Now that I am starting this new school, I am so scared for what has yet to come. It feels like the time in my life where I pretty much can’t “F up, and get with it.”

Anyone that has asked me has told me that I should be excited and I’ll do fine. But to be honest, I’m not. The thought of all of this has really gotten my stressed out. I can’t seem to even focus.

New campus. New classes. New people. Oh and pretty much a new life.

I wish it was easy just to get my career going to finally help support the people I really love.

I just feel like as myself I am not where I want to be.

I’m 23. I live at home with no real personal space. I have never been in a real relationship. No one takes me really seriously because I either look too young of my interests are too “kiddy” for them. I sound like a kid -_- Oh yeah, and I’m so scared of school at the moment, I don’t even want to check online for any updates for my classes so I find other ways to figure it out.

I know in my heart I need to step my game up and work for it because in the end of the day, the only person that can help me is myself. I know I have a few family members and friends encouraging me but I feel like it’s not enough. I just feel too afraid to be the disappointment because I know I could do it if I have a harder drive.

Well, I guess all I could really tell myself is “Just hope for the better.”

I just hope this new “Big Kid School” thing works in the end.

Posted on 13 August, 2014

Hair probs.

A couple days ago, I decided to take the plunge and dye part of my ombre magenta pink.

First, I was excited since I’ve been wanting to add some type of color to my hair all summer since I haven’t able to due to certain restrictions. After three days of attempting to dye it pink, it finally became set and I couldn’t wait to show a new hair style. I sent a photo and shared it with a few friends and they all told me they liked it. However, the next day was a different story.

I woke up walking through my condo hallway and all I hear is “I hate it!” and “Why did you do that to your hair?” Then I started to get mini lectures about going out too much and how I should even stay in school. From then on, I knew the disappointment my parents had just because I had a different color in my hair.

After all this talk, I told my friend Mary about my whole situation because of my hair. Even with my parents upset, I just told her in the end “I really don’t care.”

I know that sounds like a “rebellious” thing to say but honestly, what is having an un-normal hair color really going to do?

I mean sure I’m 23, under my parents roof, and still going to college but why is my hair such a problem? I mean I’m not married let alone can’t even get a date. I’m not pregnant. I go to work and school. I help around the house when needed and for the most part try to be responsible as I can. Sure, I go out and stay out late but I don’t go to bars or “hook up.” In fact, I’m more of a “Mom” in my group of friends because the most I’ll drink is one glass and rather buy myself a dozen donuts.

Another I also realize over the past few days is how society sees people with not just colored hair but also with tattoos and piercings as well. I mean some places may be lenient but others well, think differently. Sure, I get the whole “looking professional” motto but at the same time it’s like “Okay, it’s 2014. Get over it!”

If you really think about it, why does image really matter? Why does your hair color matter? I mean shouldn’t you be able to express yourself as a person, be yourself?

I don’t see why anyone should live up to this perfect image. I mean in the end of the day, it’s your body, your skin, and yes I will say it.. your hair! If anything, it shouldn’t be a way to define really define you either because a person should really get to know you in the end.

Don’t mind me ranting and getting off topic but ever since I dyed my hair, because of all the comments and judgments, it has got me to feel so uncomfortable with my own hair. Though I actually really like it, I feel such in a box because my hair makes me look “bad,” which anyone that really knows me can agree, I’m more the less.

With that being said, when it comes to hair, I don’t think the cut, shape, the length, or the color should really matter. I mean I hate to say it but hair is dead skin cells. We shouldn’t really care about hair yet instead embrace what we do have.

So to anyone reading this, your hair shouldn’t matter and don’t worry what people say about your hair. In the end of day it’s yours and no one else can do anything about it.

Posted on 6 August, 2014

Society makes no sense sometimes.

Posted on 6 August, 2014

Currently On Repeat | F**k You Over

I remember purchasing this song two years ago at midnight. It was the first song I actually purchased on iTunes and I was pretty stoked considering this release was coming from on of my favourite bands.

I always feel guilty listening to this but to this day, it’s still one of my top 21 songs played of all time.

I will always have a soft spot for this band.

Posted on 6 August, 2014

Lately

I’ve been finding myself as my own hypocrite.

I have judged too easily and said things I don’t even mean.

I don’t know what has come over me but as I type this up, I never have felt so guilty.

I don’t know whether this is a phase or really who I am. I don’t know whether its where I am really trying to not to care or really just finding some way to forget everything.

Part of me feels like I’m lost just waiting for a new exposure and another is just finding a way out of what I already have.

Even changing my hair seems as if it’s something that isn’t even satisfying to me.

I must be lost or stuck in some invisible bubble.

I just don’t really know.

Posted on 6 August, 2014

Currently On Repeat | All About That Bass - Meghan Trainor

Came across this randomly on iTunes. I must say, it reminds me of good old Do-Wop music from back in the day. This is also a pretty cute music video too.

Posted on 27 July, 2014

Currently On Repeat | Worry About You - 2AM Club

One of my favourite bands. This song in particular reminds me of myself and how I always worry about others, even if I shouldn’t really have to. So good yet so underrated.

Posted on 18 July, 2014

"You know in the end of the day, you’ll always be that one got away."

Posted on 15 July, 2014

Currently On Repeat | I Really Don’t Care - Demi Lovato Ft. Cher Lloyd

Regardless of what anyone says about her, she will always be one of my favourite female singers. She’s also amazing live as well.

Posted on 14 July, 2014

Evol.

Sometimes when I think of love, I melt inside because I never actually really been in love.

Sure, I may have had my chances and found it somehow in either the best or even interesting places but I don’t even know where to start with the idea of love.

Maybe I’m just scared. Scared for anyone to come to me, to find the real me versus of what they picture me to be.

I tend to either be shy or even be mean, playing hard to get or even just letting love go away. I guess even when I do actually see real true love in front of me, I can never picture myself in that “love” state of mind.

Whatever my reason is, I will never understand the idea of being in love or what love really is anymore.

Who knows. Maybe I could be a hopeless romantic or even the one who breaks someone’s heart.

Whatever “love” really is, for now I’ll just love my friends and family because thats the only love I really know.

Posted on 13 July, 2014

"You’re the former future ex-boyfriend that never happened."

Posted on 13 July, 2014

Currently On Repeat | Classic (Acoustic) - MKTO

Though it was really last minute, I’m really glad I was able to catch these guys perform at their HOB Anaheim show earlier this week. Definitely underrated, but definitely good.

Posted on 10 July, 2014

Late Night Thoughts

I have come to a point where I feel like every guy I have been running across lately are either creepers or straight up jerks. The “thirst” is becoming too real.

Where is chivalry when you need it?

Posted on 2 July, 2014

Currently On Repeat | Fuck You Over Piano Version (Live) - Brian Dales of The Summer Set

One of my favourite guilty songs. One of my favourite Summer Set songs. One of my favourite shows live.

With that being said, any Summer Set song played acoustic will always be my favourite.

Posted on 30 June, 2014

Now Playing - That 70’s Song - thecabrock

Always will be a favourite in my book.

Posted on 27 June, 2014



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